A Walk in the Park, A Walk in the Dark

It's 12 am in the morning, a little more than a week before the exams, I'm working through my notes on Active Edge Tables at (ironically) the kitchen table.

But my concentration is zero. I'm depressed, heart-aching, pessimistic as hell and every so often I keep getting a vision of myself failing miserably and failing out of the course in shame. In the background, some building's buglar alarm was incessantly whining away. Not ideal study conditions, anyone must admit. In the end, I threw down the notes in frustration and wondered what on earth could I do to calm myself. My eye fell on the garbage bin in the kitchen. It was full.

A five minute walk in the night air would clear my head. So I thought. So I collected the garbage bag, dragged my housemate along (I'm not so much an idiot to go out alone in London at 12am in the morning) and went out for a short walk in the square near my house after putting out the garbage. She was only too glad for a break and came along.

We walked around the square for a bit, then took another route back to the mew where the house was. To those who don't know what a mew is, think of it as a cul-de-sac, but instead of plain walls, you get houses in them. Still, mews are creepy places, because they're usually dimly lit and there's rarely anyone other than the residents and loiterers around. In this case however, as we approached narrow the mew entrance, we realised two men were lurking around there.

Did I mention it was rather late and this particular area isn't very... savoury after 11? "Crap." I think. "I forgot to bring that personal attack alarm my sis gave me."

"Erm, Want to go for another round around the square?" I ask Jen.
"Uh, yeah." She said. No doubt she was beginning to regret coming along on this daft (and probably dangerous) midnight excursion of mine.

As we passed, the men threw some uncomfortable remarks our way. But we only nodded and kept walking. Rounded the corner, into the square again. Looked back. At least they hadn't followed. As we walked down the square, I noticed on the other side, two men standing on the square benches. Standing, not sitting. Whatever for, I don't want to know.

We cut left, heading for the main road. At least it'd be brighter there, as we were beginning to get a little spooked by the odd characters lurking around this time of the night. On the way we passed a couple of women who were undoubtedly prostitutes (hint, they were sticking erm... advertisements in the telephone booths), the usual tramps and then a bunch of drunk youths out for the night... We ducked into the still-open McDonalds for some respite.

"So, back to the mews?" I suggested after a while. We both didn't like the idea of returning with those loiterers there. Mugging is a common enough occurence in London, I needn't say two young girls are always easy targets. Granted, at least one of these girls this case may have a rather unhealthy fascination with firearms and blades, but not being in possession of either, that was not much help either.

We headed back cautiously, crossed the road and checked the mew entrance. The men were gone. Gratefully we headed in, still cautious, and got home in one piece.

One thing I did realise when I locked the front door. The feeling of apathy was gone. Maybe it was just the relief, but I did finally see the truth I should have seen earlier.

It doesn't matter if I muck up in relationships. My world won't end even if the worst happens and I fail my exams.

I am still alive. That's all that matters.

I have been here many times...

It is always the same.

It's that time of the year again, exams are here, spirits are low, depression is widespread, and Jin stands upon that bridge, looking down into the darkness. I know how she feels. I put part of myself into her, after all. And right now it feels like I'm standing on the bridge, and Jade's not going to show up to stop me. Life stretches out before you, but you don't know where it's going, why you're following and you just feel so lost and alone.

I never minded being alone before. Godammit, when did I change?

The heartache is there. It burns, it eats away at you while you keep that cheerful face, try to keep busy and fool yourself into thinking it's not there. But it hurts, oh God, how it hurts. Especially when you know it's something of your own making. Like they say, you don't know how much it means to you until it's gone.

Until some slight thing tips the scale, then it hits home and then it sinks in. And then you mourn for that which you lost. And then I suppose you learn.

But life goes on. Tears will dry.

Family will be there and good friends can help make me laugh again. When it's all over the best you can do is pick yourself up and somehow forge on. There are things I have to do and dreams that can't be left as dreams.

I'll walk away from the bridge on my own.

Right now all I want is just for the hurt to stop.

The Jaded Wallpaper

For those interested, there's a quick 1024 x 768 wallpaper of Jin I posted in the forums.

Enjoy!

Also forgot to mention, My friend Lynn's new series, Jupiter starts today at our sister site Girlamatic!

Every Tuesday and Thursday, don't miss it! Come on, Life's a Circus!

Taking a Break

Looks like it's going to be an extended Outtakes. I'm going to push back the start date for Chapter 3: Black Earth till June, there's just too much up. Being:

1. EXAMS! Self explanatory.


2. Computer is going to be sent away to be serviced. Needless to say, no computer = no comic


3. Script for Chapter 3 required fine-tuning. Can you say gaping plot-hole?


4. Burnout. Ping fizzles like a candle burning at both ends for too long. RL didn't help either.

I need a break. Either a break or a break-down. Choice should be obvious.

Don't worry, the site will still be updating until the end of Outtakes, plus there might be more Guest strips coming in thanks to the wonderful folks who pitched in to help me out in my time of need. I am lucky to have friends like them.

Will still be around, so if there's a message try posting in the forums (My email might get disrupted). Even if you don't like forums it's at least worth popping in to see the Doc with a Union Jack eyepatch...

I love Elf Only Inn

Honestly I do.

It wasn't until last Friday's strip that I realised how much I really enjoyed the crazy antics of Josh Sortelli's characters. It had been a particularly bad day for me, I was grouchy, snappish and incredibly stressed when I started on my usual webcomic fix for the day. Most of the comics that day seemed to have lost their zest for me.

"PVP... Bah, Some Hellboy joke I don't get.". "Errant Story... Ick. Another long draggy page with nothing but conversation. Boooring...". "Zebra Girl... Still not updated. Dammit! I wanna know what comes up next!". "Megatokyo... No comic... Piro's got writer's block again? So what else is new? :\.

Next on the list was Elf Only Inn. I looked upon it for a moment with jaded eyes... and laughed for the first time that day.

That comic sticks in my head long after I've finished reading the page. I find myself giggling over the memory of it while food shopping at Sainsburys or when I'm struggling with exceptionally boring maths. In my book, that's the hallmark of a really good comic. To be able to stick with the reader long after the read is over.

I'm not sure what is it that makes Elf Only Inn so good. For a comic that started out as a deliberate cut-n-paste, it's progressed into something quite unique. Maybe it's the original concept of the role-playing chatroom, or the lovable characters that Sortelli somehow manages to bring to life, or just the way the comic captures the so much of human nature.

Whatever it is; Sortelli's got it.


Disclaimer: The rant has nothing to do with the fact I find Sortelli's newest character, Geoph incredibly cute.

No. Really. ;)

(The image of Geoph I 'borrowed' from Sortelli's cast page. I hope he doesn't mind.)

What am I?! Bloody Tech Support?!!

RANT

To start off with, this rant isn't directed to any single person in particular, so if you have emailed me about a problem lately, don't jump the gun and assume I'm referring to you. But I really need to get something off my chest because it's been annoying the hell out of me.

Look, I know I have a lot of tutorials and stuff on my site about Keenspace and being mod for the Help Center, it probably seems natural to PM or email me a question for help. and there's nothing wrong with that. Most of the time I don't mind helping.

What I do resent is people taking advantage and using me as their quick-stop answer for all-questions because they are too lazy to read through the tutorials and FAQs properly. Those things exist for a reason, so use them!

What do I mean, let me illustrate my point: I logged on to the Keenspace Forums again. My private messages inbox is overflowing... AGAIN. Goddammit. Half of the stuff in there are tech questions that have already been answered in the FAQ and Tutorials, the rest are so badly phrased I have no idea what they are talking about. What I can't understand is that if these people have KS forum accounts, WHY AREN'T THEY POSTING IN THE HELP FORUM WHERE THESE QUESTIONS BELONG LIKE EVERYONE ELSE?!

Check my email... Woohoo. Some more "Help Me!" emails. While most of them are legit stuff, they're always a few who are sent by people who are just being lazy. GNGNGNGN! Must. Not. Snap.

Let me get this straight. I am not an Admin, I have no power to change your signups or usernames and frankly I would flatly refuse to take on that role if occasion ever cropped up. I am not employed by Keenspace as tech support, people. Just because I am sometimes patient and willing to help doesn't mean I am here to build your entire bloody website for you via email so for the love of god stop treating me like I am!

Honestly, I don't mind if you ask me for help. Hell, some of my friends I met while helping them with their sites. What I do mind is if you use me for throwaway tech support, then once you get what you want, disappear without so much as a 'Thanks! It worked!"

(NOTE: A lot of people HAVE sent me very nice glowing emails with thanks. I am very grateful for them.You guys are the reason why I am continue to help out. Thank you. You people rock!)

(ANOTHER NOTE: There are also those who send me fanmail and sometimes tack a question or two at the end. That's fine too :) Those I don't mind because the feedback makes up for it. Especially if it's constructive feedback ;) Or if you tell me something that makes my day like one of my characters is sexy or fascinating information about how people really hold a gun and things like that. Emails like that I treasure forever. ;) )

But please, always try posting at the Keenspace Help Forums FIRST, yes? Only email/IM me as a last resort (i.e. if you have problems and can't register for the forum or if it's something you are positive is not covered by the tutorials and FAQ). If you don't understand something in the guides, post in the Help Forums, there are people who are better than me who can explain it for you. If you have an urgent problem, sure, instant message me if I am on but make sure it's nothing silly.

And please, Do NOT Private Message me unless it's sensitive stuff and there's no other way to contact me(password related, hell I don't know). There is simply no space in that inbox. It was small to begin with and have to practically clear some space every day so I don't miss an important non-tech PM from my friends. *sigh*

I think the next time someone email me something like "hey I looked through your faq and I don't know how to set up my site gaah why is keenspace so stupid?" I'm going to pull a Kisai and start malleting.

READ THE BLOODY DAMN FAQ!!!... PROPERLY!!!

END RANT

ps: When posting in the help forum, always include your KS username. It helps. A lot. Trust me.
ps again: Yes, this rant was written in a state of high stress. How could you tell?

Some updates to the Record Room, the story synopsis for Footfalls In The Dark is now ready (Sorry about the delay, Jenlion).

Also some minor updates to the Studio. A couple of tutorials. There's some new stuff in the Gallery too, mainly Luprand's fanart and another guest strip which will be coming up in Outtakes #2!

*Goes off to desperately finish script now*

The Jaded is KSA comic of the Month!

Tied with Star Bored for top spot! WHOOOO!

Notes for the week:

Got slightly sick (infected by flatmates flu).

EXAMS incoming (crap crap crap crap crap)

Discovered really cool series over at GS called "Sorceror of Fortune". Outfits a wee bit on the sexist side, but otherwise: WHOA!

Did cover for Fallen Angels Used Books

Gets inundated by "Help Me!" Keenspace emails. Don't mind helping out, but it'd be nice if someone said something about my comic somewhere in the mail, you know. Come on, I'm shallow. I need the flattering sometimes ;) .

Lynn from Sand & Stone joins GAM with her upcoming series Jupiter! Hooray! Sister in arms!

Also, it seems that a certain Adrian Ramos might be among that lineup. :D

Did an April Fools strip!

Prospect of The Jaded Fanfiction. Both intriguing and scary at same time. Scary = Hot thespian action.

The Keenspace Newbox (aka NewHack) lives! At long last!

Broke up a correspondence of about 5 years by bursting said correspondent's delusions about his ability to write. Was probably too harsh, but 5 years of subtle hinting and then less subtle advice were being ignored and brushed off, so got pissed off by pompousity and airs over his (IMHO very very horrible) piece of writing and lost temper.

Not one of my best moments. Not going to even try and justify it. Realise in retrospect that this is probably a good thing, because that gave inspiration to write script for Chapter 3. Good writing inspires good writing. Bad writing inspires the good writing as well, since good writing recognises bad writing and takes steps to avoid it being equally crappy.

I mean, look at How Not To Run A Comic. Interestingly it got listed as a KSA comic this month. No, I did not vote for my own project. I didn't vote The Jaded either, you know.

Worked on script for Chapter 3.

Cried over CYS. Oh that Adis is good.

Acquired The Creature with help of brother!! Music is wonderful. The blue diode versions are infinitely cooler.

Wonder how people manage vegetarian diets. Realise self is too carnivorous for own good. Maybe am just bloodthirsty? This might explain the amount of violence in comic.

Consider doing wallpaper for The Jaded since there seems to be a demand for it.

Got handed keys to http://gear.keenspace.com by Kelly 'StrRedWolf'. Will move the FAQ and stuff when have time (and EXAMS OVER).

Hear a song I hated (U2's Hold me, Thrill me, Kiss me, Kill me) years ago once more and realise I absolutely love it. My music taste back then must have been really bad. How on earth could I hate this song?!

Realise 24 hours in a day is not enough.